you's not here
i scribbles lines to you -
<3 is a heart
X is a kish
and you's my cuddles
chickie
baby
my baby chick
i sez hi to you
hullo? hullo?
where's my baby chick?
hullo!
kishes
to the baby chick
i mishes
<3 <3 <3
X X X X X
and lotsa cuddles
come cuddles?
Showing posts with label thisbetternotbepoetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thisbetternotbepoetry. Show all posts
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
breeding
i never wanted
a child of my own
never wanted to breed
not even before i'd read
Larkin's 'This Be The Verse'
when i was about 11 or 12
"... don't have any kids yourself"
he'd advised
and i'd taken it to heart ever since
the line branded on my mind
(i only wavered once
but the only person with whom
i'd wanted a child
never existed
just as well)
"Man hands on misery to man"
what is damaged
will only breed
the same
so i won't
ever
a child of my own
never wanted to breed
not even before i'd read
Larkin's 'This Be The Verse'
when i was about 11 or 12
"... don't have any kids yourself"
he'd advised
and i'd taken it to heart ever since
the line branded on my mind
(i only wavered once
but the only person with whom
i'd wanted a child
never existed
just as well)
"Man hands on misery to man"
what is damaged
will only breed
the same
so i won't
ever
just in case
just in case
you hadn't noticed:
evil spells live
and if life comes
with no warnings whatsoever
then why should anyone?
but just in case
you hadn't realized:
i may be
the more evil one
you hadn't noticed:
evil spells live
and if life comes
with no warnings whatsoever
then why should anyone?
but just in case
you hadn't realized:
i may be
the more evil one
Thursday, January 31, 2008
text
already difficult enough
to still be standing
against the onslaught
of thoughts of you
to be constantly missing
you
much harder however
to keep myself from
deluging you
with text messages -
just so you'd send one
in reply, and that
in my mind
would mean wherever i am
you are also there
almost in real-time -
at any time in my waking hours
nonono
i must not text you
while you sleep
(must not seem needy
must not seem obsessed)
have to keep reminding myself
to not keep you up
to let you sleep
must not text you
the intent and the contents
of the text
so completely at odds
to still be standing
against the onslaught
of thoughts of you
to be constantly missing
you
much harder however
to keep myself from
deluging you
with text messages -
just so you'd send one
in reply, and that
in my mind
would mean wherever i am
you are also there
almost in real-time -
at any time in my waking hours
nonono
i must not text you
while you sleep
(must not seem needy
must not seem obsessed)
have to keep reminding myself
to not keep you up
to let you sleep
must not text you
go to sleep
you need your rest
sleep soon
the intent and the contents
of the text
so completely at odds
Thursday, January 24, 2008
awake
coming home in the night
i always check the time display
on my cellphone
(always mentally adding 5 hours)
wondering if it's too late to text you
(it's 05:31 now: you'll wake in 90 minutes
or so - maybe i should stay up
'til you awake?)
i want to tell you how
earlier this evening
you were everywhere
blatant in my thoughts
hidden in everything
i talked about
(our friends, they didn't notice)
now it's 05:57
i wonder if it's still too early
to text you
(you'll wake in a little over 60 minutes -
maybe i could stay up 'til you awake?)
there's a bruise on the inside
of my elbow from giving up
7 cc of blood
it's been growing
still is growing
i'm nodding off
to your voice
20 seconds of voicemail
played on loop
so many 'bye's
so many 'bye's
i always check the time display
on my cellphone
(always mentally adding 5 hours)
wondering if it's too late to text you
(it's 05:31 now: you'll wake in 90 minutes
or so - maybe i should stay up
'til you awake?)
i want to tell you how
earlier this evening
you were everywhere
blatant in my thoughts
hidden in everything
i talked about
(our friends, they didn't notice)
now it's 05:57
i wonder if it's still too early
to text you
(you'll wake in a little over 60 minutes -
maybe i could stay up 'til you awake?)
there's a bruise on the inside
of my elbow from giving up
7 cc of blood
it's been growing
still is growing
i'm nodding off
to your voice
20 seconds of voicemail
played on loop
so many 'bye's
so many 'bye's
Saturday, October 20, 2007
want
never mind what we want:
we never got what we
do not want either
so what's the point
what is the point
in desiring
to want to want
to want
to want and want
want and want
Anything you want anything you need: Anything You Desire.
What is your poison your pleasure your proclivity? Everybody wants something; some want more than the others. Tell me what you want and what you want. They are never the same things. Are they ever the same things? You tell me.
Let me tell you of an irony: People do not want what they want, and they want what they've never wanted. Everybody desires something. Here’s another irony: The lesser the want, the greater the desire.
Anything you want anything you need: Anything You Desire. What is your poison your pleasure your proclivity?
never mind
mind the wants the wants
and the do-not-wants
do i want or do i want
both
do i want what i want
poison my wants
poison my wants
(drafted on 15th June 2007 at 10:21 AM for Collective Rantings and, for obvious reasons, unpublished)
we never got what we
do not want either
so what's the point
what is the point
in desiring
to want to want
to want
to want and want
want and want
Anything you want anything you need: Anything You Desire.
What is your poison your pleasure your proclivity? Everybody wants something; some want more than the others. Tell me what you want and what you want. They are never the same things. Are they ever the same things? You tell me.
Let me tell you of an irony: People do not want what they want, and they want what they've never wanted. Everybody desires something. Here’s another irony: The lesser the want, the greater the desire.
Anything you want anything you need: Anything You Desire. What is your poison your pleasure your proclivity?
never mind
mind the wants the wants
and the do-not-wants
do i want or do i want
both
do i want what i want
poison my wants
poison my wants
(drafted on 15th June 2007 at 10:21 AM for Collective Rantings and, for obvious reasons, unpublished)
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
hello there
my lovely boy
ah my naughty sexy toy
so thick and long
so smooth and strong
i can't wait to warm you
with my fingers
barely closing 'round you
'tween my thighs
both wounding 'round you
i can't wait to try you
on for size
as i shimmy up your length,
sliding down, then up again
i can feel you getting wet
slick and slippery with sweat
there's no denying how i feel
my rapt'rous pleasure and my thrill
when i have you in my grasp
and my thighs around you clasp
though i'd later feel so sore
you know i never want it more
to get my hands on you again
and keep going despite the pain
so, ah, big boy
my pleasure toy
you have me under your control
what can i say but ...
I ♥ POLE!
ah my naughty sexy toy
so thick and long
so smooth and strong
i can't wait to warm you
with my fingers
barely closing 'round you
'tween my thighs
both wounding 'round you
i can't wait to try you
on for size
as i shimmy up your length,
sliding down, then up again
i can feel you getting wet
slick and slippery with sweat
there's no denying how i feel
my rapt'rous pleasure and my thrill
when i have you in my grasp
and my thighs around you clasp
though i'd later feel so sore
you know i never want it more
to get my hands on you again
and keep going despite the pain
so, ah, big boy
my pleasure toy
you have me under your control
what can i say but ...
I ♥ POLE!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
too late
i don't think we ever said goodbye
i begged you to come with me
but you had to go
(things to do people to see)
until the very end
as the queue disappeared
into the bus
i pled with you to come with me
but you had to go
you wouldn't stay
at the very end
moments before i missed my bus
i gave up and turned away
made a rush for the bus
already pulling out of its bay
as you turned towards me
in the end
you'd reached for me
but could manage
only to pat my shoulder
take care
was what you called out
not goodbye
no hug
(i wanted one from you so much)
i still think of you today
why did you wait
till it was too late?
i begged you to come with me
but you had to go
(things to do people to see)
until the very end
as the queue disappeared
into the bus
i pled with you to come with me
but you had to go
you wouldn't stay
at the very end
moments before i missed my bus
i gave up and turned away
made a rush for the bus
already pulling out of its bay
as you turned towards me
in the end
you'd reached for me
but could manage
only to pat my shoulder
take care
was what you called out
not goodbye
no hug
(i wanted one from you so much)
i still think of you today
why did you wait
till it was too late?
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
kill me before i die
kill me before i die
kill me before i die
kill me and still me
when i take my last sigh
kill me before i die
fill me with soil
where my soul once lie
till me and drill me dry
kill me before i die
kill me and kill me
and leave me to dry
chill me and hang me high
kill me before i die
will me to cry
for this sorry life
but kill me before i die
kill me before i die
kill me before i die
kill me and chill me
and still my last sigh
kill me before i die
kill me and still me
when i take my last sigh
kill me before i die
fill me with soil
where my soul once lie
till me and drill me dry
kill me before i die
kill me and kill me
and leave me to dry
chill me and hang me high
kill me before i die
will me to cry
for this sorry life
but kill me before i die
kill me before i die
kill me before i die
kill me and chill me
and still my last sigh
Monday, July 09, 2007
three-card spread
closing the circle i deal out the cards
two of spades ace of spades three of diamonds
then two more each for my past present and future
the past: scandal, gossip, danger of deceit;
a dark-haired woman, seductive or unscrupulous;
money from an unexpected source, good luck, or a gift
the present: conflicts, a difficult love affair;
a warning against possible loss of friendship;
an inheritance, a change for the better
the future: legal or domestic battles;
a gift;
opposition, danger of recklessness
the overall influence:
the Queen of Hearts
the Queen of Hearts:
my card
does this mean i have the final say
even when the cards have been dealt?
the influence of the Queen of Hearts
(or is she another?)
nine cards to tell my life-paths
that converge on the tenth
a single point where everything hangs
in precarious balance
can the hand that dealt these cards
change them?
the Queen of Hearts and her reflection
in my hand
stare blankly back at me
two of spades ace of spades three of diamonds
then two more each for my past present and future
the past: scandal, gossip, danger of deceit;
a dark-haired woman, seductive or unscrupulous;
money from an unexpected source, good luck, or a gift
the present: conflicts, a difficult love affair;
a warning against possible loss of friendship;
an inheritance, a change for the better
the future: legal or domestic battles;
a gift;
opposition, danger of recklessness
the overall influence:
the Queen of Hearts
the Queen of Hearts:
my card
does this mean i have the final say
even when the cards have been dealt?
the influence of the Queen of Hearts
(or is she another?)
nine cards to tell my life-paths
that converge on the tenth
a single point where everything hangs
in precarious balance
can the hand that dealt these cards
change them?
the Queen of Hearts and her reflection
in my hand
stare blankly back at me
Thursday, July 05, 2007
third time lucky?
thrice denied yesterday
three times more today
what is it that i really hope to find
and, by finding, hope to realize?
i don't know i really don't
yet the spydawoman insisted i do
i think you know
(she said)
read between those lines,
dammit.
i have - and they were my words
my lines - i wrote them
but i still don't know
i really don't
tomorrow
i'm turning my back on
denials in triplicate
taking a breather from
sussing out the nos
maybe when i've exhausted the towering haystacks of nos
i would find a single tiny shiny yes
my holy grail
three times more today
what is it that i really hope to find
and, by finding, hope to realize?
i don't know i really don't
yet the spydawoman insisted i do
i think you know
(she said)
read between those lines,
dammit.
i have - and they were my words
my lines - i wrote them
but i still don't know
i really don't
tomorrow
i'm turning my back on
denials in triplicate
taking a breather from
sussing out the nos
maybe when i've exhausted the towering haystacks of nos
i would find a single tiny shiny yes
my holy grail
Sunday, July 01, 2007
seven hundred and thirty since
this
is a lie: i'm not lying to you
this
is not a lie: i'm lying to myself
what lives we live serving one god
and worshipping another
the f-words
four lettered
f for four
f for Fear
f for Free
praying to be free
speaking in fear
fearhoping to be free
must be why you disappear inside
your labyrinth of ambiguous lexicon
& clever word-play
& try to lose me with sudden twists
& turns
because you are an open book
whose pages are crammed - top to
bottom, left to right,
verso & recto -
with ancient hieroglyphs & pictograms
the basso-rilievo of Morse code
alphabets of varied tongues
(with marginalia of your own
scrawl)
not-speaking in fear
(I have a crush on you.f for Folly
I know it’s ironic, but it’s true -
Unfortunately - that after you
Have upped and gone away
My heart begins to stray
From me and totter after you.)
the fear of folly
to be free of folly
so we murder hope
four-lettered
not an f-word
but more profane
because it lies
and bury the corpse deep as we can
but the rain ...
floats hope
hope floats
by the virtue of its fricative birth
hope never falls
the way we do
skinned elbows and knees
blood and bruises
(ex)plosive pain
we fear hope
because hope does not fear us
does not fear folly
we fear hope
because hope is free
not-speaking
we hope to be free
to be free of folly
to be free
of the fear
of hope?
what folly, then, to fear!
the folly we fear
is the folly of fear
not hope
and the rain cleanses hope
resurrect hope
hope
and have hope
possess it
it willingly belongs to you
Now that you’ve read through the list,set hope free
I’ve a question for you, and it is this:
if these are all that I should be -
do you think you could love me?
(but it isn’t easy
beneath the stiff blank mask of
forced ignorance & strained
nonchalance
i wear because i too
fear)
I have a crush on you.
it will be a folly
not to
and hope will free
have hope
hope
this
is a lie: i'm not lying to you
this
is not a lie: i'm lying to myself
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
hello
my name is s--
what's yours?
that's a lovely name / unique name /
does it mean anything?
you're from the Philippines, right?
(oh, it's your accent)
so ... which part of the Philippines are you from?
oh, where's that?
is it cooler there than Singapore?
i see your uniform - you work here, right?
why did you choose to come here?
how long have you been here?
do you like it here?
have you been to Little India?
i love Little India
it's my favorite place
so what do you do on your days off?
what's your favorite color?
who else is there in your family?
what's your favorite book / band / movie?
what do you like?
what do you not like?
do you like spicy food?
do you like animals?
are you cat person or a dog person?
... i'm sorry
i'm not trying to interrogate you
but you -
i just want to know everything about you
no more no less
just everything
would you like to walk my dog with me at night?
would you like to come over to my place?
hello
may i / can i / would you / do you
will you?
this is what i
never said / should have said / wanted to say
yesterday
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Apple of My Eye
I am no longer content
with only looking at you:
let these lips,
this tongue,
taste you too.
with only looking at you:
let these lips,
this tongue,
taste you too.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
1 A.M. after Ink
chain of fools - do you realize that's what
we were?
we are!
(i hope you are dancing to it
right now)
oh the drilling, the drilling -
but it was good before, wasn't it?
sure, it's no matterhorn,
but we're not in Welly anymore,
Jensy.
we need go back to Ink, sweets,
we do.
sample the entire
menu of martinis.
(you liked your 3-Some, dincha?)
(can i have your cherry -
heh heh heh!)
it's not sexual harrassment
if you gave me your cherry anyway!
no double-standards!
Harvey Wallbanger, Bend Me Over!
what was it you said -
"Bend Me Over - spank me good" (?)
would you really rather focus
on the spanking?
(boyhood fantasy of owning a power drill)
now, that's the way to bang a wall,
sweets!
that's why
they call it a power-drill!
mm-mmhmmm.
next time we'll request 'Chain of Fools'
again.
next time.
happy birthday, sweets!
we were?
we are!
(i hope you are dancing to it
right now)
oh the drilling, the drilling -
but it was good before, wasn't it?
sure, it's no matterhorn,
but we're not in Welly anymore,
Jensy.
we need go back to Ink, sweets,
we do.
sample the entire
menu of martinis.
(you liked your 3-Some, dincha?)
(can i have your cherry -
heh heh heh!)
it's not sexual harrassment
if you gave me your cherry anyway!
no double-standards!
Harvey Wallbanger, Bend Me Over!
what was it you said -
"Bend Me Over - spank me good" (?)
would you really rather focus
on the spanking?
(boyhood fantasy of owning a power drill)
now, that's the way to bang a wall,
sweets!
that's why
they call it a power-drill!
mm-mmhmmm.
next time we'll request 'Chain of Fools'
again.
next time.
happy birthday, sweets!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
cuts!
i've begun cutting
again
it focuses -
or distracts -
my mind
(however different
the two
there is but
one coin)
cutcutcutcutcut
cuttingcuttingcuttingcuttingcutting
it doesn't make sense
when you repeat it
too many times
i create beauty
(fingers crossed -
pictures soon!)
it will be
beautiful
again
it focuses -
or distracts -
my mind
(however different
the two
there is but
one coin)
cutcutcutcutcut
cuttingcuttingcuttingcuttingcutting
it doesn't make sense
when you repeat it
too many times
i create beauty
(fingers crossed -
pictures soon!)
it will be
beautiful
you know what i mean?
as much as i dislike
waking up on rainy day mornings
i love waking up
to rain in the morning
you know what i mean?
waking up on rainy day mornings
i love waking up
to rain in the morning
you know what i mean?
Monday, May 14, 2007
one more time?
my skin cannot contain my self
who is leaping out
to saunter with swaying hips to you
force my right leg between your knees
bend down
smile
(wink)
stroke your hair
caress your cheek your jaw
(or more)
swerve my ass around
undulate slowly
touch down
on private grounds
take your right arm
drape it way below my navel
your hand rests on my pelvic bone
your left arm
fling up between my breasts
your hand on my collar bone
(touch me if you can)
lean back on you
slowly sway right
then to the left
my bottom firmly pushed
onto private grounds
release my grasp on your grasp
on me
spread my knees
pushing yours with mine
lean forward
push up
my buttocks a kiss away
from your face
(do you dare?)
close my legs
slink around
to the back of the chair
in constant friction with you
hands on your shoulders now
right hand strokes you
arm hips leg
and back up
left hand touches you
chest thigh calf
and back up
one step
my right leg swings up
slices the air
to trap you tight
between my thighs
tantalize you with a mere
breath of air
between
your nose and the valley
of my breasts
my body surges and recedes
body waves
within licking distance
and then away
hands planted firmly on your shoulders
i dismount
one more time?
(or have you lost count?)
who is leaping out
to saunter with swaying hips to you
force my right leg between your knees
bend down
smile
(wink)
stroke your hair
caress your cheek your jaw
(or more)
swerve my ass around
undulate slowly
touch down
on private grounds
take your right arm
drape it way below my navel
your hand rests on my pelvic bone
your left arm
fling up between my breasts
your hand on my collar bone
(touch me if you can)
lean back on you
slowly sway right
then to the left
my bottom firmly pushed
onto private grounds
release my grasp on your grasp
on me
spread my knees
pushing yours with mine
lean forward
push up
my buttocks a kiss away
from your face
(do you dare?)
close my legs
slink around
to the back of the chair
in constant friction with you
hands on your shoulders now
right hand strokes you
arm hips leg
and back up
left hand touches you
chest thigh calf
and back up
one step
my right leg swings up
slices the air
to trap you tight
between my thighs
tantalize you with a mere
breath of air
between
your nose and the valley
of my breasts
my body surges and recedes
body waves
within licking distance
and then away
hands planted firmly on your shoulders
i dismount
one more time?
(or have you lost count?)