oh, but if only

oh, but if only you'd sleep
naked more often
then i could enjoy your warm
silky softness
which the most luxurious of bedclothes
cannot match -

and i cannot
resist

hot

petite but potent
my Chihli Padi
sends spicy texts

some about memories
some about fantasies
some about promises

as i blush
sometimes in remembrance

all around me -
as i imagine
and i anticipate -
suddenly turns sultry

and i'm soaked

right
down



there

i love listening to you sleep -
especially when you're softly snoring away,
or grunting, or mumbling incomprehensibly -

(i just want you to know that)

but not as much as i like falling asleep
next to you

since that first night
you came over and held me
and it felt all so familiar
so comforting and oh-so
right

yes it did

and still does

text

already difficult enough
to still be standing
against the onslaught
of thoughts of you
to be constantly missing
you

much harder however
to keep myself from
deluging you
with text messages -
just so you'd send one
in reply, and that
in my mind
would mean wherever i am
you are also there
almost in real-time -
at any time in my waking hours

nonono
i must not text you
while you sleep
(must not seem needy
 must not seem obsessed)
have to keep reminding myself
to not keep you up
to let you sleep

must not text you

go to sleep
you need your rest
sleep soon

the intent and the contents
of the text
so completely at odds

taste

i taste
with my fingertips
the texture of your arm and neck
      and back
the goosebumps that trail behind
my fingertips
the little fountains of shivers
that drench them upon
arrival

whatever these fingertips do not seek
(always travelling blindly)
whatever they do not look for
they find in surprise
- and spades -
wherever they
stop

or
not

hello there

my lovely boy
ah my naughty sexy toy
so thick and long
so smooth and strong
i can't wait to warm you
with my fingers
barely closing 'round you
'tween my thighs
both wounding 'round you
i can't wait to try you
on for size
as i shimmy up your length,
sliding down, then up again
i can feel you getting wet
slick and slippery with sweat
there's no denying how i feel
my rapt'rous pleasure and my thrill
when i have you in my grasp
and my thighs around you clasp
though i'd later feel so sore
you know i never want it more
to get my hands on you again
and keep going despite the pain
so, ah, big boy
my pleasure toy
you have me under your control
what can i say but ...

I ♥ POLE!

one step at a time

one step at a time
i have to keep reminding myself
(am i getting any closer, though?)
is the nebulous delineation i see
of my destination -
the same faint wink of a star
that may disappear with a blink -
merely the mirage a parched man
mad with thirst has conjured
a deathbed hallucination?
                                            - no
one step at a time
i must take
one step at a time

i'm still merely at the beginning
with the end always within sight
with the end always within sight
i've got the boulder rolling
      uphill
gotta focus
keep it together
                              - of course
this is only the beginning
and it's always the easiest to begin
(one step at a time)

compared to the end
the denouement    final destination
the last nine steps to reach to arrive
are the ones that would appear to never
end and never end
the last nine steps that seem to walk
the double-looped trail of infinity
one step at a time

bipedal

torn:
are there options galore -
or really none at all?
several first steps await me
but i have only two feet,
and tidal confidence
i feel like diving right in at times
but his words are trapped
butterflies in my coffer of thoughts -
be patient
don't rush don't be hasty
or you'll get nothing
      and
the numbers add up to eight
the thing about eight is
whatever he gives he'll take away
it means whatever happiness you get
you'll lose it -
my student id number
i can see a picture now
(definitely an indefinite article)
vaguely
from afar it looks good
looks feasible
      perhaps
an enticing trailer
of a rotton film?

Go, go, go, said the bird: human kind
Cannot bear very much reality.
Time past and time future
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.

i should gogogo
before the tide ebbs
take the first step
but i have only two feet
and his words trapped
in my hordcofan
lambent portents

too late

i don't think we ever said goodbye

i begged you to come with me
but you had to go
(things to do people to see)
until the very end
as the queue disappeared
into the bus
i pled with you to come with me
but you had to go
you wouldn't stay
at the very end
moments before i missed my bus
i gave up and turned away
made a rush for the bus
already pulling out of its bay
as you turned towards me
in the end
you'd reached for me
but could manage
only to pat my shoulder
      take care
was what you called out
not goodbye
no hug
(i wanted one from you so much)

i still think of you today
why did you wait
till it was too late?

seven hundred and thirty since

this
is a lie: i'm not lying to you

this
is not a lie: i'm lying to myself

what lives we live serving one god
and worshipping another

the f-words
four lettered
f for four
f for Fear
f for Free

praying to be free
speaking in fear

fear
must be why you disappear inside
your labyrinth of ambiguous lexicon
      & clever word-play
& try to lose me with sudden twists
      & turns

because you are an open book
whose pages are crammed - top to
      bottom, left to right,
      verso & recto -
with ancient hieroglyphs & pictograms
the basso-rilievo of Morse code
alphabets of varied tongues
      (with marginalia of your own
        scrawl)

hoping to be free
not-speaking in fear

(I have a crush on you.
  I know it’s ironic, but it’s true -
  Unfortunately - that after you
  Have upped and gone away
  My heart begins to stray
  From me and totter after you.)

f for Folly
the fear of folly
to be free of folly

so we murder hope
   four-lettered
   not an f-word
   but more profane
   because it lies
and bury the corpse deep as we can

but the rain ...

floats hope
hope floats
by the virtue of its fricative birth
hope never falls
the way we do
skinned elbows and knees
blood and bruises
(ex)plosive pain

we fear hope
because hope does not fear us
does not fear folly
we fear hope
because hope is free

not-speaking
we hope to be free
to be free of folly
      to be free
      of the fear
      of hope?

what folly, then, to fear!

the folly we fear
is the folly of fear
not hope

and the rain cleanses hope

resurrect hope
hope
and have hope
possess it
it willingly belongs to you

Now that you’ve read through the list,
I’ve a question for you, and it is this:
if these are all that I should be -
do you think you could love me?

(but it isn’t easy
  beneath the stiff blank mask of
        forced ignorance & strained
        nonchalance
  i wear because i too
  fear)

I have a crush on you.

set hope free
      it will be a folly
      not to
and hope will free
have hope

hope

this
is a lie: i'm not lying to you

this
is not a lie: i'm lying to myself

hello

my name is s--
what's yours?

that's a lovely name / unique name /
does it mean anything?

you're from the Philippines, right?

(oh, it's your accent)

so ... which part of the Philippines are you from?

oh, where's that?
is it cooler there than Singapore?

i see your uniform - you work here, right?
why did you choose to come here?
how long have you been here?
do you like it here?

have you been to Little India?
i love Little India
it's my favorite place

so what do you do on your days off?

what's your favorite color?
who else is there in your family?
what's your favorite book / band / movie?
what do you like?
what do you not like?
do you like spicy food?
do you like animals?
are you cat person or a dog person?

... i'm sorry
i'm not trying to interrogate you
but you -
i just want to know everything about you
no more no less
just everything
would you like to walk my dog with me at night?
would you like to come over to my place?

hello
may i / can i / would you / do you
will you?

this is what i
never said / should have said / wanted to say
yesterday

naked instrument

i sit
in the embrace of the music
you are creating
watching your fingers pluck
glide and vibrate
                                       and i am naked
      the instrument
                  in your arms
                              your fingers
                                          alternating between
      teasing lightness and
                  electrifying intensity
                              strum me
                                          make me sing
i lie across your lap
my body cradled in your arms
every fiber perfectly tuned
to even the most fleeting
      of contact
                  quivering to the feel
                              of your fingers
                                          (touch me)
the lower they slide
the higher my notes

breakfast (of champions)

... and so nice        to wake up        with
ripe sweet fruit        between my lips
i apply gentle        pressure        careful
not to burst the berry        yet

                                                            i want
to savor the         moment      the slow
delicious burn        of desire        anticipation
first tasting the      dew      with the tip
of my      tongue      a lazy lick that barely
skims the surface

                                    then        very         slowly
suck harder        and harder        and harder
as if to crush        the grape        and drink
the wine that        gushes forth        into my
mouth

                 the finest        champagne
i will never get        enough of
                                                          cupping
my hands        i tilt your face towards mine
drink deeply        intoxicated        by your
scent        the taste of your lips        the

sensation        warm/wet        pliant/supple
of your tongue        on mine
                                                      your muffled
mmmmmmmm        echoing mine
                                                                   how lovely
it is        this breakfast we have

                                                          in bed

Apple of My Eye

I am no longer content
with only looking at you:

let these lips,
this tongue,
taste you too.

cuts!

i've begun cutting
again

it focuses -
or distracts -
my mind
(however different
  the two
  there is but
  one coin)

cutcutcutcutcut
cuttingcuttingcuttingcuttingcutting
it doesn't make sense
when you repeat it
too many times

i create beauty
(fingers crossed -
  pictures soon!)

it will be
beautiful

one more time?

my skin cannot contain my self
who is leaping out

to saunter with swaying hips to you
force my right leg between your knees
bend down
smile
(wink)
stroke your hair
caress your cheek your jaw
(or more)
swerve my ass around
undulate slowly
touch down
on private grounds
take your right arm
drape it way below my navel
your hand rests on my pelvic bone
your left arm
fling up between my breasts
your hand on my collar bone
(touch me if you can)
lean back on you
slowly sway right
then to the left
my bottom firmly pushed
onto private grounds
release my grasp on your grasp
on me
spread my knees
pushing yours with mine
lean forward
push up
my buttocks a kiss away
from your face
(do you dare?)
close my legs
slink around
to the back of the chair
in constant friction with you
hands on your shoulders now
right hand strokes you
arm hips leg
and back up
left hand touches you
chest thigh calf
and back up
one step
my right leg swings up
slices the air
to trap you tight
between my thighs
tantalize you with a mere
breath of air
between
your nose and the valley
of my breasts
my body surges and recedes
body waves
within licking distance
and then away
hands planted firmly on your shoulders
i dismount

one more time?

(or have you lost count?)