want

never mind what we want:
we never got what we
do not want either

so what's the point
what is the point
in desiring
to want to want
to want
to want and want
want and want

Anything you want anything you need: Anything You Desire.

What is your poison your pleasure your proclivity? Everybody wants something; some want more than the others. Tell me what you want and what you want. They are never the same things. Are they ever the same things? You tell me.

Let me tell you of an irony: People do not want what they want, and they want what they've never wanted. Everybody desires something. Here’s another irony: The lesser the want, the greater the desire.

Anything you want anything you need: Anything You Desire. What is your poison your pleasure your proclivity?

never mind
mind the wants the wants
and the do-not-wants

do i want or do i want

both

do i want what i want
poison my wants
poison my wants



(drafted on 15^th June 2007 at 10:21 AM for Collective Rantings and, for obvious reasons, unpublished)

third time lucky?

thrice denied yesterday
three times more today

what is it that i really hope to find
and, by finding, hope to realize?
i don't know i really don't

yet the spydawoman insisted i do
i think you know
(she said)
read between those lines,
dammit.

i have - and they were my words
my lines - i wrote them
but i still don't know
i really don't

tomorrow
i'm turning my back on
denials in triplicate
taking a breather from
sussing out the nos

maybe when i've exhausted the towering haystacks of nos
i would find a single tiny shiny yes
my holy grail

seven hundred and thirty since

this
is a lie: i'm not lying to you

this
is not a lie: i'm lying to myself

what lives we live serving one god
and worshipping another

the f-words
four lettered
f for four
f for Fear
f for Free

praying to be free
speaking in fear

fear
must be why you disappear inside
your labyrinth of ambiguous lexicon
      & clever word-play
& try to lose me with sudden twists
      & turns

because you are an open book
whose pages are crammed - top to
      bottom, left to right,
      verso & recto -
with ancient hieroglyphs & pictograms
the basso-rilievo of Morse code
alphabets of varied tongues
      (with marginalia of your own
        scrawl)

hoping to be free
not-speaking in fear

(I have a crush on you.
  I know it’s ironic, but it’s true -
  Unfortunately - that after you
  Have upped and gone away
  My heart begins to stray
  From me and totter after you.)

f for Folly
the fear of folly
to be free of folly

so we murder hope
   four-lettered
   not an f-word
   but more profane
   because it lies
and bury the corpse deep as we can

but the rain ...

floats hope
hope floats
by the virtue of its fricative birth
hope never falls
the way we do
skinned elbows and knees
blood and bruises
(ex)plosive pain

we fear hope
because hope does not fear us
does not fear folly
we fear hope
because hope is free

not-speaking
we hope to be free
to be free of folly
      to be free
      of the fear
      of hope?

what folly, then, to fear!

the folly we fear
is the folly of fear
not hope

and the rain cleanses hope

resurrect hope
hope
and have hope
possess it
it willingly belongs to you

Now that you’ve read through the list,
I’ve a question for you, and it is this:
if these are all that I should be -
do you think you could love me?

(but it isn’t easy
  beneath the stiff blank mask of
        forced ignorance & strained
        nonchalance
  i wear because i too
  fear)

I have a crush on you.

set hope free
      it will be a folly
      not to
and hope will free
have hope

hope

this
is a lie: i'm not lying to you

this
is not a lie: i'm lying to myself